Dewey on God


Dewey [to the Bible teacher Helen]: What kind of God makes children think when they’re not in school?

Helen: That is a torment but I’m sure He has His reasons.

Dewey: Yeah, like Pastor Roy said, how God is so much bigger and wiser than us, and trying to see what He’s thinking would be like an ant trying to see what I’m thinking.

Helen: Yes, exactly. But we can trust in His wisdom, and have faith that He is watching over us.

Dewey: Like me with the anthill in my backyard. I spent days watching the ants, trying to figure out which ones were good, and which ones were bad, but they all just looked like ants, so I started smiting all of them.

Helen: Well that’s not –

Dewey: I was smiting them with the garden hose, and with lighter fluid, and with the lawnmower, and to be perfectly honest, I think I went a little crazy with the shovel. Those ants could have been praying to me all day, I wouldn’t have heard them.


Dewey: There was nothing they could do about it.

Helen: But, I don’t think –

Dewey: Really, it’s the same with us. There’s nothing we can do about anything either, so why worry about it? Hey, this is making me feel better.

Helen: Well, that’s good, but –

Dewey: I guess all we can do is live our lives with as much kindness and decency as possible, and try not to dwell on God standing over us with a giant shovel. Bye!

Absolutely brilliant.


Homeopathic A&E

‘I don’t know, sometimes I think a trace solution of deadly nightshade, or a statistically negligible quantity of arsenic, just isn’t enough.’

‘That’s crazy talk Simon. Okay, so you kill the odd patient with cancer or heart disease. Or bronchitis, flu, chicken pox or measles. But, when someone comes in with a vague sense of unease, or a touch of the nerves, or even just more money than sense, you’ll be there for them. Bottle of basically just water in one hand, and a huge invoice in the other.’



He is everywhere

He is everywhere, in the heavens and Earth.
He makes the stars shine yet He cannot be seen.
He is noble, abundant, and fills the universe.
He can lift you into the sky and bring you gently down.
He can take many forms.
He can help heal. He can help kill.
He can help create and He can help destroy.

Praise be unto He,

By Gene Hart